Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Jeff Foxworthy on Iowa


My friend (from Iowa, like me) sent me this.  If you don't find it funny - oh well, I'm cracking up!  

Jeff Foxworthy on Iowa:
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Iowa.

If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don't work there, you might live in Iowa.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Iowa.

If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Iowa.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Iowa.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Iowa.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Iowan WHEN:
 1. Vacation means going north or south on I-35 f or the weekend.
 2. You measure distance in hours.
 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
 4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
 5. You drive 65 mph through a raging blizzard, without flinching.
 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.
 9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, & It's Hot.
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce.
13. “Down south” means Missouri.
14. A brat is something you eat.
15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
18. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly."
19. You know the difference between corn and soy beans at a glance.
20. A =E 2hill” is any landmass higher than 20 feet above sea level.
21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Iowan friends. What's not to understand?

And finally - an email from my cousin (yes, she's from Iowa) 
A Winter Statistic....
98% of Americans say "Oh Sh_t!"  before going in a ditch on a slippery road.
The other 2% are from Iowa and say "Hold my beer and watch this!"

I'll be more serious tomorrow...........

image taken from qdma.com (Jeff is a quality deer manager) 

2 comments:

Kimberlee Ferrell said...

Haha! I live in Iowa too, and I can guarantee these are all 100% true. People who've never lived here may think we're making this up, but I have seen all of these in real life!

Thanks for sharing!

Kimberlee

Deb Brown said...

Kimberlee,
I'm about six months late in thanking you for stopping by! It's great to hear from another Iowan who knows these are all true.
Deb