Friday, July 31, 2009
One of the hardest things I ever had to admit was that I was a total drama queen. And one of the best things I ever did was to give up my crown and step down from that throne.
That's because drama - with all of its he-said-she-said, self-righteous anger, and done-me-wrong stories - is one big MAJOR distraction. It pulls our attention away from our dreams.
Many of us were taught that if we don't get hooked into drama, then we lack compassion. We're taught that emotion and drama are inseparable.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Emotion is the feeling, or energy, that moves through us. Drama is the thoughts and the hooks that create stories and reel other people into them. It steals our time.
Like the excess clutter that fills our closets and shelves, we can just simply let the drama go.
Becoming drama-free is more about creating space than anything else. Space for better thoughts. Space for clarity. Space for taking conscious action toward our dreams.
So, here's five ways to make your life a drama-free zone so that you, too, can have the perfect, abundant, spacious life you've always wanted.
1 - Bring awareness to your reactions.
Being a Drama-Queen requires one thing: Unconsciousness.
To shift your dramatic tendencies, start by becoming aware of your own reactions.
Though it can be tempting to point at all the drama-queens around you, start within you first. See clearly what hooks you, what compels you to gossip, what makes you judgmental of others.
Most of our unhappiness comes from one thing: our judgment.
So, where do you paint life situations with your self-righteousness or judgment? Where do you collapse because you judge yourself so harshly? Where do you want people to behave differently so that you can be happy or successful?
(And why not go ahead and just be happy and successful anyway?)
2 - Think R.O.I.
R.O.I. is "Return on Investment."
Every time you give your energy and your time to something, you are investing in it. You are, in essence, voting for it.
An entrepreneur thinks in terms of "returns" on investments. When you engage in gossip, whininess, self-righteousness, explaining yourself - you are literally getting no return on your investment. (Except fatigue!)
Your energy is your investment. So is your time. Ask yourself throughout the day, "What am I voting for here? What kind of return will I get on this activity?"
3 - Proactive communication
Melanie, a college professor, was expected to visit her family in Detroit every Christmas.
Melanie told me that she just wanted to take the holiday for self-care and reflection after a grueling semester. She didn't want to travel!
I encouraged proactive communication.
Rather than waiting for her usual sense of frustration to arrive in November, Melanie made calls in August to let her family know that she had other plans for the holidays.
She discovered that she was able to speak more clearly and compassionately because she chose to be proactive. She never once got dramatic!
Proactive communication means that you communicate when the emotional charge of the situation has passed, or has not yet arrived!
4 - Regular Exercise
There's a reason that everyone from doctors to trainers tell us to get our heart-rates up for at least 20-minutes a day. Exercise uplevels our mental health, our emotional health AND our physical health.
In other words, the more you increase your heart-rate, the more you decrease your drama!
5 - When Drama Strikes, Ask Three questions
Here are three powerful questions to ask yourself in the face of drama:
(1) What's my story here?
This is what you tell yourself in your head. "If I don't, then no one will." "I'm unworthy." "No one recognizes the good I do." "These people are idiots!" This is your "story." You probably know it well!
(2) Who would I be without this story?
Imagine that an angel surgeon comes into the room, and surgically removes that story from your head. You can't find it no matter how hard you try. Who would you be without that story? What does it feel like to move forward without it?
(3) How do I WANT to feel?
You always have a choice. But it's easier to MAKE the choice when you know your options!
So, when you remind yourself how you WANT to feel, you offer yourself a more empowered option than the drama. Even if you can't get there right away, make sure you know that this is where you can be if you choose it.
Guest Post by Christine Kane -- our thanks to her!
Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her 'LiveCreative' weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I watched the trailer on youtube. (click here)
Okay, now I knew I had to see this movie. I followed Debbie Ford on twitter (http://www.twitter.com/debbie_ford ) and watched to see what she was talking about. Debbie is full of joy -- and sometimes hot air. Her life is exactly how she has created it - and that works for me. I may not live as she does -- but I can take the lessons she teaches and apply them to my life. She tweeted:
It's the work of a spiritual warrior to tell yourself the truth and shine light on the darkness of your past. Where is your light shining?
What you can't be with, won't let you be...
If you're in worry,concern or hopelessness;the shadow of fear has taken over your consciousness.BUST yourself & choose the vibe of faith
Any good twitter'er will tell you to see who someone is following, then follow them. So I followed Deepak Chopra (www.twitter.com/Deepak_Chopra) Here's a few of his tweets:
The mystery of love defies logic."The heart has reasons that reason does not know".
On a tombstone: I was where you are. You will be where I am
It is I who am the light. I am the ALL. Split a piece of wood,and I am there. Part the stone, and you will find Me Gospel of Thomas
Still, I wasn't totally compelled to spend hard earned money (note that phrase for later*) on a DVD about my shadow.
Then -- I received an email requesting that I review the DVD - and write about it. I quickly filled in the form and waited. Three days. It was in my mailbox. No kidding, three days.
There were two dvd's in the case - I chose to watch the shorter movie first. Frankly, that was the smart move.
So what is the shadow effect? A simple definition would be: your dark side that is controlling how you think. Huh? Let me explain a little more. We all have secrets. Things we are not very proud of and keep in the dark. They could be actions we committed, thoughts we think, even bad behavior. The premise is these secrets drive us and pop up when we least want them to. That is the shadow effect.
What you resist, persists. If you try to ignore it, it will find it's way to the surface. Sooner or later, you'll get to deal with it. Sometimes and often - more than once!
I slept on what I saw - and then took a Sunday afternoon and watched the second DVD. This movie was broken into sections with workshops in between. I'm still working on what I learned about myself. I believe this just might be an ongoing process. It's not easy facing your demons and bringing them out into the light. It is, however, life changing.
The biggest lesson I learned? The lesson of projection. What you are thinking about someone else (he's stupid, she's a bitch, I hate her) - is often really just what you are thinking about yourself. And it's tied into your shadow - and you are probably hiding from yourself. Deep - I know.
You can order the movie here . Or buy the online version here.
Featuring as guests in The Shadow Effect
James Van Praagh
*hard earned money -- that was a shadow effect for me. I had the thought of making money always tied into working hard for it. Like I didn't deserve it unless I worked really hard for it. So I could never spend money because I worked too hard to 'fritter' it away. I thought that I could not always work hard - one day I'd be old and unable to work hard. Then where would my money come from? Can you see how this would create a crazy shadow over my thinking and how I spent money?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Image via Wikipedia
I'm going to the Jersey Shore. My mind is only on seeing the ocean, dipping my feet in the water and taking a deep breath.
I've been working a long time without a break.
Here's a little advice:
take care of yourself first. Take the time you need to recharge.
If the only thing I can think of is going to the beach - how good am I at working for my clients?
Friday, July 24, 2009
Image via WikipediaDear Diary,
Week One: He's really cute. He's got that perfect hair and cute dimple. He holds my hand in public! He makes sure everyone knows we are together. He wants to hear all my conversations with my girlfriends. We do EVERYTHING together. How lucky am I?
Week Two: Maybe he's right, my girlfriend doesn't know everything. Why would she want me to not be with him all the time? Doesn't she know we are in love? He just wants to be with me. We don't need a lot of friends. We have each other.
Week Three: I didn't need to go to that birthday party for my cousin. He's right, making love was a whole lot more fun. My cousin will get over it.
Week Four: He had too much to drink last night. He's really sorry he got so mad. He didn't mean to slap me, he was just scared I'd leave him. He didn't mean to say those awful things. I'm not really fat, just could stand to lose a few pounds. He cried! He asked me to forgive him. He promised he'd never do that again. He promised.
Week Five: Do you think my butt looks fat? He didn't say so, he just asked were my pants getting tighter. He said he could help me choose the right clothes. He just wants me to look really good. He said I look better without makeup too. He's going to get me a new cell phone - he took my old one because he said a new one would be better. He said he'd do that today. He promised.
Week Six: My eye is black and blue and I can't go to work like this. He got so upset when I asked for my phone. I know he's not made of money, and he works so hard and wants to take care of me. I should have realized that. He didn't want to hit me, he just couldn't stand all the whining I was doing. I have to watch what I say, I don't want to upset him again. He didn't mean to hit me - it really was my fault. Why can't I be nicer to him?
Week Seven: I'm really tired. We stayed up for two days straight just talking and making love. We tried this drug he brought home. One of his coworkers gave it to him and said it was meth and would help us be a better couple and get things done. I know I know, but this is really good and I got so much done and we talked over all our dreams and plans. I won't do it again anytime soon. I'm really tired now. He finally went to sleep, so now I will.
Week Eight: He's drinking a lot. Says he needs to so he can sleep. We are smoking meth. It's pretty wonderful - my house is so clean! I don't work anymore. I got laid off when I had that black eye and they just told me not to come back. I was late a lot. I cook for him. He wants a hot meal when he comes home. I forgot the time on Tuesday cause I was cleaning so much - and I didn't have his dinner ready. What was I thinking? He twisted my arm hard so I'd see what it was I was forgetting. My shoulder still hurts, but I don't complain. He's trying so hard to take care of me. He's all I have. He loves me so much.
Week Nine: I'm in the hospital. I have fractured ribs, a broken arm and a concussion. I told the ER I fell down some stairs when I tripped over a stuffed animal. I didn't though. My house is too clean to have a stuffed animal just laying around. He pushed me down the stairs. I don't even know why. I must have done something wrong. I just don't know what. I hope he comes and visits soon. He'll tell me what I did and how not to do that again. He does love me you know.
Week Ten: There is no entry. She is dead. Her father found her in the house dead. They think she'd been up for several days and she had a head injury from being hit with a lamp. The boyfriend is gone and the police are still looking for him.
No one deserves to be abused. Recognize the signs. Know that your self-esteem is the first thing an abuser takes away from you. Get help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Image via Wikipedia
It's important to manage your time.
If you're like me, you are doing four things at once and trying to keep all the balls in the air.
I am not a good juggler. That's Lesson Number One. Know What You Are Good At.
I am good at talking to people, following a schedule, answering questions.
I am not good at follow through. I suck at doing repetitive work. I shine early in the day- I am stupid by the end of the day.
So for me to manage time effectively, I have to do these things.
1. make my phone calls in the morning, when I'm 'on'.
2. schedule my follow up appointments on my Google calendar. I look at it all the time, it gives me a reminder,and I do what it tells me to do.
3. Utilize the tools my company provides to me. I don't have to teach EVERYONE. I can direct everyone to the places that teaching is occurring. Then I can answer their questions. If they haven't done their work, why am I bothering to teach them?
4. Schedule creative activities into my day. It wakes me up, motivates me to talk to people, and creates new leads for me.
What time management skills work for you? Is there any software you use that helps? I know one woman who uses a paper calendar book and color codes it. What about you?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
It was perfect weather - light sun, great breeze and about 78 degrees.
You can find all the pictures I've been taking at http://debworks.dotphoto.com/ Here are just a few really great shots.
I asked them could I take their picture - this was the response I got.
"Deb, some of them go home and some of them go into the frying pan."
This is my niece and her boyfriend and my 4 year old great nephew. Who really just wants to go on a ride. That's all. Just a ride.
Best t-shirt of the fair. Hands down.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
This young lady and her friend's puppy was the happiest duo in the parade!
Everyone needs a top banana.
Team work. He made that trailer run. That's dedication.
The local grocery store was giving away milk. Milk!
The folks over at the hospital came with a great showing for their county. Love the t-shirts!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Image by Bashed via FlickrI must have embarassed myself a lot as a kid, because I don't remember being so embarassed as an adult. That's not to say I don't remember doing stupid things. I do them on a pretty regular basis. My friend Clemmie would say "it's all a part of growing up kid." In the back of my head is the constant thought ' what am I supposed to learn from this?' I believe if you don't learn something, you'll repeat the error bigger and better until you do get the lesson! Better to be slapped upside the head than hit over the top of it with a 2 x 4.
I worked at an adult bar in college. Hold onto your hat - I wasn't topless! I was a waitress. I saw an ad in the paper for a waitress. At the time I was working at Dairy Queen and just could NOT get the damn soft serve ice cream to make a decent ice cream cone. I was a day away from being fired. So I went down the road (literally) and talked to the manager. This was in 1973 and he was a real sleezeball. But he said I'd get paid $5 an hour and TIPS. The idea of getting extra money for being nice appealed to me. My first introduction into the world of money for being nice! I started that night. My shift was 6 pm to 2 am.
Here's what I learned.
Adult bar means topless. Duh. . I mean you have to be old enough to drink and (hopefully) you are already an adult.
Most of the women dancing needed the money. For kids. For drugs. For a better lifestyle. To them, they were just doing a job. They liked the whole tips idea too.
Men that go to adult bars turn into pigs. They can be the nicest guy in the world in the daylight. Step into that dark, smoky bar with topless women and a switch goes off in their brains. Loud, rude comments. Misogynistic behavior. Married men? They leave their rings at the door (in their minds). You'd never know they had a woman at home. You'd think they had never seen a naked woman.
It's a tips based business. It's true, the harder you work - the more money you make. But there's a compromise. You gotta be willing to do and say things you would never do in the 'real world'. I had to flirt with the creeps. I had to be willing to put with a touch here or there. I had to ignore those guys when I saw them on the street
You need to know just what you are willing to do. I learned pretty quickly this was not the business for me. Yeah, the money was great. But I would wake up in the morning dreading my day - thinking all day about what I had to do that night. I made myself sick. I really hated that job.
It lasted about 2 months. Then I went and found a job as a lineman for the phone company. The first female in the state. But that's another story for another day!
I came to think about this post when I read Bubba's What I Learned From Group Writing Project over at http://middlezonemusings.com/wilf-embarrassing-moments/ It's not too late for you to post what you learned from an embarrassing mistake.
Friday, July 10, 2009
There were over 50 people there! At least 20 of them were under the age of 25. It was marvelous to watch them work and chip right in. A lot of "what can I do now?". Our volunteer base is usually older - over 60 years of age.
We tried something different. We wrote about it in the big newspaper and the little one. Wilda managed to get interviewed on TV in Mason City and she mentioned it. We shared it on twitter and facebook.
People showed up from all the towns in our county. They heard about it in the papers, on facebook, on tv - and they were excited to come! We learned -- just ask, and they will come.
Enjoy the video - I believe we were given Amazing Grace tonight.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Diane Birch looks about fifteen. She is in her twenties. She sings like she's in her fifties.
Turn on the light
Wise up to the stories you’ve been told
Cuz love don’t come in black or white
Oh no no no
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Dad's foot surgery went very well. The $750 medicine worked, and he has not had any strokes. Bleeding was minimal. We are waiting on all of the local anesthetic to wear off to determine how his walking will be affected. The doctor says his foot should feel much better - the ingrown toenail was really bad and even with all the cutting, his foot will feel better. I watched the surgery, Mom sat in the corner and did NOT watch and Dad just laid on the table and held my hand.